Finding Community Support During Big Life Transitions
Topknot member Raven H. shares her journey through a transitional year, new parenthood and a career change
Raven H. is in a season of massive, ground-shifting life changes. Last year, when her daughter was four months old, her husband left her. Then she moved back in with her parents, learned how to be a single parent during a pandemic, and started to reconsider her career path. Since then, the 31-year-old school psychologist has been focused on personal growth, which she says is all about growing into a sense of completeness. Ultimately, she hopes to walk out of this transitional time feeling whole during every moment of the day. “It’s about living a life I choose,” she says.
To aid in this personal growth, Raven hired a financial coach, a career coach and a therapist. And most recently, she joined Topknot to translate that therapeutic work into a daily life that reflects her goals. As she puts it, “I’m there to work on the feelings but it’s also time to make actionable plans. And I need as much community support as I can get while doing that.”
Q: What issues did you hope to address when you signed up for Topknot?
I wanted to identify my non-negotiable priorities for life, and then implement some actions around them. So my biggest goal at first was about getting creative with self care. As I transitioned from life with a partner into being a single parent, finding time for self care was — and still is — really challenging. I joined Topknot hoping to find new ideas and support around recharging. One of the things I’m interested in right now, for example, is how to show myself gratitude for everything I’m accomplishing every day.
Q: You also mentioned that you’re considering a new career. What’s the plan?
Again, this comes back to those non-negotiables. I want to have a career where there’s flexibility to take care of my daughter — so maybe a job that’s fully remote, or one that can flex so I’m able to work from home. And I also need more financial freedom, plus a social component to the job.
Topknot has helped me navigate all the logistics around applying for new jobs and making a new financial plan. And each time I talk about this change with one of my peers, supplemented by the questions in Topknot’s platform, it reinforces what my ideal would look like. For example, I’m moving from a dual income household to a single income, so I just had a Topknot session where I was like, do I pay off debts or save for a house? And my peer reflected to me that there were two issues there; it wasn’t just about the choice between those two things, but there was also an emotional component to the decision. Sometimes you need a fresh perspective from someone who’s not in the dysfunction with you.
Q: What are some changes you’ve made so far on these goals?
I’m starting to incorporate small things when it comes to self care, like being able to move throughout the day since I don’t have time to go to the gym, or meditating for 10 minutes per day. These little tweaks seem simple but they make a big difference.
Q: Obviously this year has been a big transition for you. What advice would you give to other people who are in a career, life or relationship transition?
First, tap into your resources to get an outside perspective. This will help you become a better version of yourself; it’s an investment!
Also, transitions are really uncomfortable. It’s better not to fight change, which I still do 90% of the time, but 10% of the time now I think I’m embracing change and taking the situation for what it is. It requires so much grace and patience, and a lot of self awareness!
Q: Tell us why Topknot has worked for you in this season of your life.
I’d give the example of a session I had recently where I was looking for ways to practice gratitude toward myself. The person I was talking to listened to me, then helped me make a connection between gratitude and spending time with my daughter. I realized I could talk to my daughter about all the things I did that day! It was such a good idea and I put it into practice right away.
Topknot has helped me because the support and community make a big difference. We’re all isolated right now for a multitude of reasons. And bringing people together, even if it’s just to get someone else’s reflection on my experience, means I get to authentically share who I am. It’s a cool route for personal development.
It’s also been really nice to have some normalization. Someone will hear me talking about changing careers and they’ll say that they relate, and this commonality makes me feel less crazy for wanting more out of my life, or wanting to make changes. I’m not where I want to be yet but I am moving that way.
Q: What’s next for you?
I’m starting to actually implement some of these big things I’ve been working on! I’m applying for new jobs, looking at moving to an area where I have more freedom, finding ways to carve out time for myself, and making sure I’m present for my daughter. These themes have been discomforting to me for a long time, and now I’m ready to do something about it! Six months from now, my life will be so much better. And while I’m in the trenches now, I’m learning more than ever.
