Who is in your support system? Consider adding coaching.

Topknot
With Topknot
Published in
3 min readJun 29, 2021

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Written by Topknot in-house coach, Sarah Filman

I’m thinking about moving home to be closer to my parents. They’re in Boston, and I’ve built a life in Seattle post-college for the last 13 years. I started considering it early on in the pandemic. Anyone a plane ride away suddenly felt an eternity away, and family and health had catapulted to the top of my values list. A year and a half later, I’m still in Seattle, but the idea of moving is still on my mind. I haven’t decided what to do, and I feel stuck and unsettled.
Here’s a brief rundown of the cast of characters that I initially looked to for support in exploring this decision:

  • Friends: When I talked to my Seattle friends about it, the response ranged from a teary-eyed “but you CAN’T LEAVE!” to a supportive but unhelpful “I totally get why you’d be thinking about that.”
  • Family: My parents “want me to be happy” and make the choice that’s right for me, but my mom had an eager sparkle in her eye that communicated that she would really love to have me closer.
  • Therapist: She gently directed the conversation back to deeper and more ongoing relationship questions (as is her job).
  • Journaling (aka myself, in written form): I have a ton of scribbled notes under a pros/cons T-chart that mainly helped me conclude that yes, indeed, there are huge tradeoffs to this decision.

What I am really craving are people who are invested in me (like the cast above), help me gain clarity on what feels uniquely right for me, and who have no attachment whatsoever to what I decide. This is exactly the role that a coach or peer coach takes on.

You may not be considering a cross-country move, but do have a big decision on your mind that would represent a major change or transition in your life. If the voices and opinions of those closest in your life are making it harder for you to access what you really want, consider adding peer coaches to the mix of people in your support system. It’s a relationship that once you have experienced and had access to, you crave it for all facets of your life. Because in a world and our brains that are filled with expectations, needs, and opinions of others, it is quite special to have space and time held to let those fall away for a moment to ask questions around what you really want. These questions can be simple but powerful, for example:

  • What other possibilities have you considered to honor your value of family?
  • What qualities of where you live are most important to you?
  • How will you know that you are ready to make a decision?

A coach deeply listens to what you are saying and asks powerful questions to help you uncover new insights and possibilities. You commit to the hard work of exploring these questions vulnerably and authentically, while the coach holds non-judgmental space for you to do that exploration.

Get an online life coaching alternative with Topknot. Sign up today.

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Topknot is an online life coaching alternative where structured peer conversations lead to real personal growth. Try Topknot for free → withtopknot.com/join